Friday, July 29, 2005

The return of the TAO: Mistakes made, Lessons engraved

I have no idea where to begin, but it has been quite an impactful 8 days. I waited until now to finally jot down my thoughts about my weekend in the Bay Area and my week back in Sacramento. Friday afternoon, my best girlfriend called and let me know she'd be in my neck of the woods so of course we jumped on collaborating and talking for the next hour I had left at work. I cancelled my plans and hopped on a train to San Jose. I had never taken the train area and I had a blast.

It is always my good fortune and luck to meet cool folks wherever I's been that since I was young. My new friend and I drank a bottle of wine together after getting acquainted at the stoplight in downtown Sac. I was running to catch my train and he was crossing the street with ease. My ex-boyfriend Russell was instrumental in getting me to the station area. Thank goodness he happened to be on his way to work so I hopped a ride. This guy turned out to be my soul mate in many ways as our conversation flowed from politics to life and funny stories, past memories and any topic we deemed appropriate.

We lost track of time and space as we spoke, he even forgot to change his work shoes. He's a politico with dreams and I know he'll achieve them, he seems very ambitious, smart and a dedicated boyfriend. I was very impressed with him as a person. He gave me hope about relationships and their validity and stability. All in all, I was sad to say goodbye but glad to see him reunite with his girlfriend who was as psyched to see him as he was her. He bought her some gifts, fun stuff he found along the way to the station. That was very cool of him.

It made me seriously ponderr why I was such a failure at my own relationship but I let myself ease up since relationships come and go and they are all difficult to let go of. It should be easy to communicate, but sometimes you get to a point of too much hurt, confusion and pain that you can no longer differentiate between the past and the present...and no matter how hard you try - you'll never remove the past mistakes that started the drama in the first place. I hate that...but I'll grow stronger and be a more a reliable partner with all of my past drama in least that is the goal.

Friday night we had the most delicious Thai food in the south bay, reminisced and talked about our pasts, present and future plans. She'll be around for a long time, this friend of mine. Time apart gives us the glory of an unbreakable bond and we love each other so much. We admire and respect each other in ways I have never been able to do with a romantic partner. Friends like this one are worth more than riches or success. To have a friend and confidante like her is the greatest gift to me. Her brother has grown so much and I was just buggin' out on it, as was she when she called to check in today...

We all worry about those close to us and hope they do not repeat our past indiscretions; we want the best for them, almost like a parent - just a bit more bossy! I reminded her that friendships like relationships end and they can be painful. This is a new relationship of adulthood that she is embarking on and she has to respec the growth and change as good. Not following a set path will work for her brother. I worry about my brother in the same way and he's way older than me. Family can make us so happy and so crazy at the same time, at least for me. My buddy agreed and is so damn proud of her younger sibling, she's just adjusting and that is the most awesome thing in the world. Their bond is beautiful and I am nothing short of envious...she has something most people do not have in their lifetimes. You go girl! : )

Somehow in less than two full days we traveled to San Francisco and checked out Bernal Heights. Check out the Bernal site:

After a lively tour of my old stomping grounds we headed down Wool Street crossing Eugenia and the corner store my parents owned during my childhood - Wool Street Grocery. My parents were the first Black entrepreneurs in the neighborhood and probably SF at the time my father purchased it in the 70s. We skipped down past the oldest B of A, the grocery store, an old juke shop turned cute niche store but our stop at the most kick ass bar in town, Wild Side West, which was the best for my little tour duo.

We ate icecream at Maggie Mudds - vegan icecream rocks the house!

We also climbed the hill and took glamorous shots on the unique heat wave the city experienced. It was outstanding, the view, the company, the graffiti art show we ran into, driving through the richmond district and cruising up to the Golden Gate Bridge. We happily jumped out to act silly at the vista point with all the other tourists watching the thick tufts of fog roll over the Marin Headlines, a gorgeous site with my friends in the background. We got back on the road, listening to music while chatting, giving driving directions, etc.

We landed in Tiburon to enjoy a sweet day in a posh town. I have always loved it due to it's remote location. It's an island! I insisted forever... No, it's really a peninsula -

We had snacks and drinks at Sam's Cafe, a Tiburon staple -
Very cool atmosphere and a saweeeet view of SF and the sea of yachts and boats docked off the peninsula.

In San Rafael we capped off our day with the viewing of my second apartment where I became a woman. Her brother found this information quite amusing. We traveled to my first college campus and wandered the grounds a bit soaking in the ivy and the college atmosphere. Glad to be done! Down to fourth street promenade for a stroll until we hit a great little Mexican restaurant where we chowed and chatted. I thought about my best friend Florencia packing up to leave for NYC soon. I had spent a lot of time visiting her before the big move. She and I had celebrated her b-day in style just earlier this month. We saw some old college friends and got to hang out with the craziest Pilipina, Lory. It was so awesome to see everyone this year! We dialed up Flo to coordinate a drop off point for me and directions for the duo to get back to the South Bay. We covered the Bay Area with our trip to Oakland with Flo meeting up with someone she hadn't seen in years! The reunion was sweet but sad as I said goodbye to one friend and hello to another.

Flo and I slept side by side barely keeping our eyes open for our favorite flick, Dream for an Insomniac...a cheesy film about love and youth set in SF, of course! The next morning we had a dilectable breakfast made by the great Florencia. Her good friend came by and we laughed about celeb gossip and scoured the mags Lory was good enough to leave for our neurotic pleasure. After eats and saying hello and catching up with her ex-boyfriend Jesse and his gal-pal. This girl is a living genuis...I had no idea! She's brilliant, as Flo would say, but in the cool Europeon way.

A bike ride to Flo's job was fun as I barely mounted Jesse's mountain bike, he's a bit taller than I. We drank coffee and surfed the net, chatting back and forth. I checked my mail to discover another old friend had "McGuyver-ed" her way back to me. Anna and I have been friends since grade school and we fell out two years ago. Apparently so had she with two of our old friends from high school and one of them needed us very badly. Her mother had passed away. I quickly responded to the email since the services were going on that Sunday and Monday. I was nervous and scared and elated and just out of my mind with the overwhelming notion of showing up at the rosary that evening to see a friend who was really angry at me for my rapid departure out of life, leaving monetary debt and confusion. It worked out very well, thanks to Flo for being so supportive and taking BART into SF last minute and braving a church full of strangers.

My old friend and I talked, listened and just stared at the other in bewilderment and amazement. Fate has a cool way of bringing those together to heal, regroup or move on. All in all, I felt happy, proud to have known all of these folks at one time or another. I feel a real big discussion coming on wtih Anna. We are trying to get together and talk. At this point in my life, I am ready to rehash, apologize and move forward with a new outlook. I have no regrets about my need to drop friends and grow up. I had so much of it to do and it has been an amazing journey. I can see the difference and I had to get out of the unhealthy aspects and I had to fuck up royally as much as they screwed up and we all needed to be where we are. I don't think the other two would have bonded had some of us left the picture...everyone is healthy and alive and that is all that matters. I watched my friend down an ale and I really meditate on her overall well-being. Losing parents is tough as shit and that feeling cannot be healed right off the bat... I understand and I just couldn't help but want to hug her for hours...for our friendship and for the mother she has to say "until later" to.

This week flew by and I talked to Anna for an hour or was good to clear the air and have fun in our conversation. I think she's a strong lady and has grown as the others have grown. She has always been a spunky chick. I am happy she embraced her needs and got into a relationship she enjoys and experiencing things I have not. It's a good thing.

My week breezed by at work and then slowed down and I was just dead tired by Thursday afternoon. I napped, relaxed, read mags and watched tv movies for the first time in days. I am psyched that I had this great time and reconnection with so many people. I'm lucky like that.


Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Fashion Show in SF

Return of the Nubian Princess

So here's some more info on the fashion show in San Francisco. It will be in Union Square. Bali Fashion Week.

Here is a link to the event:

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Cruise Control

Return of the Nubian Princess

I just read that Tom Cruise flew his favorite chefs around the world for his glorious birthday and served veal. Brooke Shields can't take medication for post partum but he can support slaughtering animals?! Now he's the wacked out hypocrite. Tom Cruise has never been my dream guy so he can kiss my ass. Katie, wake up! The millions you are being promised is not worth it, your career is tanking anyway. Batman Begins has hit the jackpot and there is no mention of the great Katie delivering a kick ass performance. Remember "Pieces of April" - pre-cruise, hit the control button Katie, now!

So the BF and I are going through a seperation next month. I'll be getting my own digs and it's the healthiest decision we both have made. Meeting when I was 25 and he 28, (my age now) was rough and growing up, living together, made it rougher. I'm doing great though....we're still best friends, we'll stick go out and have a great time together. It will be good.

What's coming up? Sac Valley Aids Walk in Sept. My team captain time will start heating up after our big meeting this Sunday. I designed a bunch of posters myself - Rosie the Riveter is our symbol of pride.

GLAAD summer party in August! I'm going to volunteer and have a great day in the city by the bay. I also volunteered to do a photo shoot for some PR stuff as well. GLAAD is the organization I would most like to work for. So I'm working the connections!

The war on terror, Karl Rove and the fucking facist liars in the white house are so far up my ass that I can't think of our nation without puking. It's time for my daily dose of the DSM (Downing Street Blog). I get my neighbor to fill me in and give me the scoop when I'm just too tired to read about the daily dose of drama going on in the world.

Until further rants.....later.

Friday, July 15, 2005


Return of the Nubian Princess

So I've been traveling and working a lot this week. I spent last week in Louisville, KY for a site visit for my job. I had a fuckn' blast. I was able to see one of my oldest and greatest friends of all time: KJ. This woman just rocks the house. Something about the presence she holds when you speak to her and she just really gets me as I get her....she's known me since I was a backpack carrying nineteen-year old with stars in my eyes and an innocence that would make you puke. Those were the days! I'm just realizing how old I'm getting, looking back on the old days of my early twenties, the friends I've kept, lost or left behind. KJ is amazing for coming to the airport to see me. I have missed her but in the best way...I love that my good friends live so far away, it makes me appreciate them more.

Louisville is awesome for its southern groove, because you can smoke cigs everywhere and it's still pristine on the streets. I picked up some bourbon-flavored coffee beans and a cookbook for Russell's parents. They're going to love it I hope.

I went to Oakland for the weekend and visited my very best friend Florencia who is leaving me for the east coast by way of Brooklyn or Queens. I can't wait to see her off. I know what an amazing place NY is and she is going to fit that place like a leather glove and just make it a bit brighter. I also caught up with my old roomie fantastic was that? I love the opportunity to see old friends. We had a birthday celebration for Flo and partied and I was in heaven, being back in the bay. I attended a reading by one of the best spoken word performers and Flo's boyfriend, DeWayne Dickerson. He wrote a book of poems called "Chunky." It was awesome to get off my plane and hear him speak at the Phoenix Bookstore. I spent countless hours in that same store during high school in SF. I pointed out my high school, Immaculate Conception Academy, to her and some of my old stomping grounds. Looking at my high school was like an alternate universe.

Today I watched a Showtime flick called "Speak" chronicling the life of a girl unhinged by acquaintance rape. My co-worker presented the flick to a group of woman and we discussed the pros and cons of the storyline and our thoughts on the topic of sexual assault. I sat there and had an ephipany of what I want to do with my life. I want to continue to write, but I'd like to work in media and represent Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault. So, I'm on my way since I work for a federally funded organization in town. All in all, it's been an awesome month. I'm in love with life today.

My boyfriend is also having a great day as well. He just bought stock into our landlord's bar and he'll manage it as well as learn some business skills which he'll totally rock at. I'm so excited for him. He deserves all the success in the world. And, I get to drink for free! : )

Well, off to enjoy my Friday night!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

4th of July - Paso Robles Style

Return of the Nubian Princess

So I'm soaking up the glorious rays of San Luis Obispo County in "the best kept secret" town of Paso Robles. My boyfriend's parents have built themselves the most wonderful hideaway about 5 miles or so away from downtown Paso Robles. The last time I was in PR was 2004, as a volunteer for Aids Lifecycle - a 7-day cycling event to raise funds and awareness for HIV/AIDS. It was particularly cold at that time but the weather has switched abruptly and it's 92 degrees during the day and 56 degrees at night. I couldn't believe the miles of land between homes, the calm that settles over you as you listen closely and only hear the buzz of bees, flies and their dog Katie barking off in the distance. It is amazing out here. We drove into town and visited Russell's Aunt Doots, who lives with her pup and hates gardening and unpacking as much as I do! hehehe...she's great. We all shared a very delicious meal out on the patio last night under the stars, smoking cigars (and my ciggie) after dinner. Chatter, laughter and poking fun at each other was the theme of the evening. I just read an article about the issue of restraining orders in this nation - they obviously only protect those who are not in critical danger which leaves those who are in a serious situation. It looks like they are dragging their feet to do something about it but at least the topic is out in the open - as it has been for years but - I can't be cynical - times have changed since the rule of thumb law...

Russell's mother Robin said that she couldn't believe that this violence existed: I just remember the love. Yeah, I hear her completely. Where is the love? It's still there, we just don't hear about it as often as I would like.

This 4th of July, the theme should be love, admist the war and death toll in Iraq, (for an update check out:
- a site run by academics and peace activists), and the fight for civil liberties, we should give everyone a big fucking hug and say I love you.

Tomorrow is not promised as I learned Saturday morning. My sweet grandmother, (really my half-brother's mother), Lois, passed away - leaving a family at a loss for words. She was undeniably wonderful to me, kind and sweet despite having been married to my mysogynistic-philandering-wife-beating-father. She lost my brother Bernard to AIDS, she lost her youngest son Christopher to a gun-shot wound in Richmond, CA. I was not surprised to hear that she was gone. How could someone live through that? My mother never really survived the loss of her youngest Gregory. I have not spoken to my family yet but I dread going home to make that phone call to my mom, who was close to Lois and my brother and sister, Jerome and Jackie. I have no idea how they must be feeling. Especially Jackie, who went through some issues with her mother and brother Jerome in the last year following my brother Bernard's death. I'm meditating for the best. But with death, comes healing and growth, I hope this holiday weekend will be healing for myself and everyone.