Friday, April 21, 2006

Celibacy, dating and other strange dichotomies

I've always been curious about celibacy and what it really means. I mean when does someone choose to be celibate and why? My ex-boyfriend has done it many times in the past, mostly after a long relationship. He said it helped him clear his head as well avoid jumping into bed with someone he didn't love just to avoid lonliness.

I've been feeling great lately, due to hanging out with friends, having dinner, relaxing, reading and getting psyched about my plans to move to New York City next year... Work is going really well and we have an upcoming conference that I'm really looking forward to. I've been walking around with a smile on my face and just meeting random people. I told my smoking buddies about my vow of celibacy and I have been the pinnacle of fodder eversince. Yes, it may true that I am an attractive girl with a good heart and a knack for meeting cute boys and having a great time, but I think I can handle it... Well maybe. I laugh as I type because somewhere deep down I know that celibacy like meditation takes dedication and resolve.

Celibacy
refers either to being unmarried or to sexual abstinence. A vow of celibacy is a promise not to enter into marriage or engage in sexual intercourse. Some writers use it interchangeably as a synonym for abstinence or chastity. Some writers on sexuality draw a distinction between abstinence and celibacy, stating that celibacy means refraining from any sexual activity with a partner. They argue that this can be empowering, as it still allows that person to be "sexual" (through, for example, masturbation). This would not, however, be referred to as chaste celibacy, as masturbation is not considered a chaste act.

I took a break from self-destructive boy after my best friend came down for a visit with her boyfriend. We had an excellent time catching up and just being best friends. She is one of the many reasons I am moving to New York City. She's been having some awful yo-yo, relationship drama. It's rough to see her going through it but she's so strong and fearless. She is so unafraid to love and be loved no matter the cost. I admire that and people can sense that about her right away. She is truly a giver and achiever. I aspire to be just like her and she's two years younger than me which is even more amazing. She thought self-destructive boy was weird but cool. Her boyfriend said nah, he's a punk. : )

I've been going out and meeting some great people. I met a really nice gentleman while walking home this past Monday after work and I was bummed that I didn't exchange phone numbers or business cards. His presence left me with a calm spirit and a smile. Well, hopefully I'll see again. I tried experimenting with a guy so unlike me last month. We hooked up on St. Patrick's Day and although he is a great guy, he's just not my cup of tea. It's tough when you know what moves you but unfortunately, it's not always the right type. Can you re-program yourself to like a different type? Probably not. I'm lucky that I don't have horrible taste in men, it could always be worse.

I'm praying for the young woman in the Duke University case. I'm just so upset that so many running themes are coming up from this legal mess. The racism I'm hearing from these students and the overall labeling of the survivor is just lame. It's so redundant to hear the media and the community belittle her status as a student by referring to her as a stripper. She's a student, a human-being, a daughter, a sister, a cousin before being a "Black Stripper." Even if she was just a stripper full-time, rape is not, nor should be expected. Sexual asault should not come with the territory when you're female. It is such a pervasive suggestion by society that tells us we should be prepared for rape at some point in our lives and this is what we should avoid: drinking, being an exhibitionist, walking alone, walking to your car, to your home, dating, living! And the list goes on and on until we have nothing that is sacred or free. I hope that one day, we can all be free from violence. When young men are murdered or assaulted, they are not blamed nearly as much as a woman. Our bodies are not free from danger. Men have long thought, (not all men), that a woman's body is much too sexy or inviting to have the will power to reject or turn down. We must conquer it at all costs and if it left open or vulnerable, a man should take what is rightfully his. These feelings of ownership pervade our society more than we would like to believe and sexism is the root of the issue in terms of all violent acts committed against women. Fear of some kind is usually at the root of all violent acts with hate crimes being the perfect example.

Well, back to celibacy. Self-destructive boy called and I was not really psyched to hear from him. He's still a mess and I wonder what he could possibly be thinking after he stated he was seeing someone. He can't see me seriously because he and I both know I am way too good for him. He is luckier than he realizes that I even speak to him. But his sexy charm does me in. We'll see how my weekend of celibacy goes. Wish me luck.

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