Saturday, August 20, 2005

Moving, thinking & Wondering Where I'll End Up

Return of the Nubian Princess

When relationships end it seems that most people are ready to bust a 5150 and sign up for failed life but it's really not as bad as everyone chalks it up to be...I guess it could be worse. Here I am sitting in my pajamas writing to an open blog about my own fears of moving on because I'm not sure exactly how one does that after a three year relationship, living together, sharing socks, food and netflix. I've gone through all of the sad, emotional ups and downs that breaking away brings, now I just have to find an apartment and feel better. Sleep in the middle of my bed and watch "Sideways" - a really great piece of entertainmnet about a man starting over after a divorce. For some reason I bond more with the "men moving on" films than the films about women moving on but there are exceptions: "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" was a dual story, it didn't just focus on Joel needing a mind-eraser to toss the hurt and pain away...Clementine was the one who brilliantly decided to have her memories of Joel erased and didn't have any regrets. I wonder if I will have any regrets. Will my mind slowly erase my ex-boyfriend? Will this seperation of living spaces erode our love? Will we slowly find new lovers and forget each other. Slowly, I do feel as if I'm disappearing from his vision. We don't talk anymore and that is fine I guess. It wasn't fine two hours ago or yesterday, but today, right now. I'll survive. A really big cure for my mini-depression would be a really big hug from a really handsome guy...a night of drinks on the river and just a long conversation/flirtation. Sounds great, doesn't it?

Well, on the bright side, I have a week in Louisville, Ky to look forward to at the end of the month. It will be my first conference, planning, logistics - all the fun of meeting planning. Should be be a great trip to have a fling or meet a new soulmate, or just to relax when I'm not working.

I've rebonded with my old best friend and that feels fantastic. We talk and laugh and share thoughts on life like we used to, but now, it's so much better without the interference of long, drawn-out discussions on someone in our group fighting or being a complete bitch. It's healthy, it's carefree and I really like having my friend back in my life for the third time.

The funeral was just that, a gathering of sad folks. My big brother was the highlight, seeing him again after not speaking was excellent. He was really happy to see me and gave me that gigantic hug I had been waiting for. I can't wait to plan a trip to see him this new year's or so. We'll see how it goes. I miss my niece, who will be fifteen next month. I'll be 29, wow, I'm excited and celebrating that fact in Pittsburgh, PA a week later. I have a lot of cool things happening and you never know where the day takes you.

When I'm less moody and more about sharing the positivity, I'll return...Later.


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