Friday, July 29, 2005

The return of the TAO: Mistakes made, Lessons engraved

I have no idea where to begin, but it has been quite an impactful 8 days. I waited until now to finally jot down my thoughts about my weekend in the Bay Area and my week back in Sacramento. Friday afternoon, my best girlfriend called and let me know she'd be in my neck of the woods so of course we jumped on collaborating and talking for the next hour I had left at work. I cancelled my plans and hopped on a train to San Jose. I had never taken the train area and I had a blast.

It is always my good fortune and luck to meet cool folks wherever I travel...it's been that since I was young. My new friend and I drank a bottle of wine together after getting acquainted at the stoplight in downtown Sac. I was running to catch my train and he was crossing the street with ease. My ex-boyfriend Russell was instrumental in getting me to the station area. Thank goodness he happened to be on his way to work so I hopped a ride. This guy turned out to be my soul mate in many ways as our conversation flowed from politics to life and funny stories, past memories and any topic we deemed appropriate.

We lost track of time and space as we spoke, he even forgot to change his work shoes. He's a politico with dreams and I know he'll achieve them, he seems very ambitious, smart and a dedicated boyfriend. I was very impressed with him as a person. He gave me hope about relationships and their validity and stability. All in all, I was sad to say goodbye but glad to see him reunite with his girlfriend who was as psyched to see him as he was her. He bought her some gifts, fun stuff he found along the way to the station. That was very cool of him.

It made me seriously ponderr why I was such a failure at my own relationship but I let myself ease up since relationships come and go and they are all difficult to let go of. It should be easy to communicate, but sometimes you get to a point of too much hurt, confusion and pain that you can no longer differentiate between the past and the present...and no matter how hard you try - you'll never remove the past mistakes that started the drama in the first place. I hate that...but I'll grow stronger and be a more a reliable partner with all of my past drama in check...at least that is the goal.

Friday night we had the most delicious Thai food in the south bay, reminisced and talked about our pasts, present and future plans. She'll be around for a long time, this friend of mine. Time apart gives us the glory of an unbreakable bond and we love each other so much. We admire and respect each other in ways I have never been able to do with a romantic partner. Friends like this one are worth more than riches or success. To have a friend and confidante like her is the greatest gift to me. Her brother has grown so much and I was just buggin' out on it, as was she when she called to check in today...

We all worry about those close to us and hope they do not repeat our past indiscretions; we want the best for them, almost like a parent - just a bit more bossy! I reminded her that friendships like relationships end and they can be painful. This is a new relationship of adulthood that she is embarking on and she has to respec the growth and change as good. Not following a set path will work for her brother. I worry about my brother in the same way and he's way older than me. Family can make us so happy and so crazy at the same time, at least for me. My buddy agreed and is so damn proud of her younger sibling, she's just adjusting and that is the most awesome thing in the world. Their bond is beautiful and I am nothing short of envious...she has something most people do not have in their lifetimes. You go girl! : )

Somehow in less than two full days we traveled to San Francisco and checked out Bernal Heights. Check out the Bernal site: http://www.bernalhill.com/BernalHeights.htm

After a lively tour of my old stomping grounds we headed down Wool Street crossing Eugenia and the corner store my parents owned during my childhood - Wool Street Grocery. My parents were the first Black entrepreneurs in the neighborhood and probably SF at the time my father purchased it in the 70s. We skipped down past the oldest B of A, the grocery store, an old juke shop turned cute niche store but our stop at the most kick ass bar in town, Wild Side West, which was the best for my little tour duo. http://sanfrancisco.citysearch.com/profile/889567/san_francisco_ca/wild_side_west.html

We ate icecream at Maggie Mudds - vegan icecream rocks the house! http://sanfrancisco.citysearch.com/profile/38055270/san_francisco_ca/maggie_mudd_ice_cream_and_internet_cafe.html

We also climbed the hill and took glamorous shots on the unique heat wave the city experienced. It was outstanding, the view, the company, the graffiti art show we ran into, driving through the richmond district and cruising up to the Golden Gate Bridge. We happily jumped out to act silly at the vista point with all the other tourists watching the thick tufts of fog roll over the Marin Headlines, a gorgeous site with my friends in the background. We got back on the road, listening to music while chatting, giving driving directions, etc.

We landed in Tiburon to enjoy a sweet day in a posh town. I have always loved it due to it's remote location. It's an island! I insisted forever... No, it's really a peninsula - http://www.familytravelguides.com/articles/pacificstates/San_Francisco/tiburon.html.

We had snacks and drinks at Sam's Cafe, a Tiburon staple - http://www.samscafe.com/
Very cool atmosphere and a saweeeet view of SF and the sea of yachts and boats docked off the peninsula.

In San Rafael we capped off our day with the viewing of my second apartment where I became a woman. Her brother found this information quite amusing. We traveled to my first college campus and wandered the grounds a bit soaking in the ivy and the college atmosphere. Glad to be done! Down to fourth street promenade for a stroll until we hit a great little Mexican restaurant where we chowed and chatted. I thought about my best friend Florencia packing up to leave for NYC soon. I had spent a lot of time visiting her before the big move. She and I had celebrated her b-day in style just earlier this month. We saw some old college friends and got to hang out with the craziest Pilipina, Lory. It was so awesome to see everyone this year! We dialed up Flo to coordinate a drop off point for me and directions for the duo to get back to the South Bay. We covered the Bay Area with our trip to Oakland with Flo meeting up with someone she hadn't seen in years! The reunion was sweet but sad as I said goodbye to one friend and hello to another.

Flo and I slept side by side barely keeping our eyes open for our favorite flick, Dream for an Insomniac...a cheesy film about love and youth set in SF, of course! The next morning we had a dilectable breakfast made by the great Florencia. Her good friend came by and we laughed about celeb gossip and scoured the mags Lory was good enough to leave for our neurotic pleasure. After eats and saying hello and catching up with her ex-boyfriend Jesse and his gal-pal. This girl is a living genuis...I had no idea! She's brilliant, as Flo would say, but in the cool Europeon way.

A bike ride to Flo's job was fun as I barely mounted Jesse's mountain bike, he's a bit taller than I. We drank coffee and surfed the net, chatting back and forth. I checked my mail to discover another old friend had "McGuyver-ed" her way back to me. Anna and I have been friends since grade school and we fell out two years ago. Apparently so had she with two of our old friends from high school and one of them needed us very badly. Her mother had passed away. I quickly responded to the email since the services were going on that Sunday and Monday. I was nervous and scared and elated and just out of my mind with the overwhelming notion of showing up at the rosary that evening to see a friend who was really angry at me for my rapid departure out of life, leaving monetary debt and confusion. It worked out very well, thanks to Flo for being so supportive and taking BART into SF last minute and braving a church full of strangers.

My old friend and I talked, listened and just stared at the other in bewilderment and amazement. Fate has a cool way of bringing those together to heal, regroup or move on. All in all, I felt happy, proud to have known all of these folks at one time or another. I feel a real big discussion coming on wtih Anna. We are trying to get together and talk. At this point in my life, I am ready to rehash, apologize and move forward with a new outlook. I have no regrets about my need to drop friends and grow up. I had so much of it to do and it has been an amazing journey. I can see the difference and I had to get out of the unhealthy aspects and I had to fuck up royally as much as they screwed up and we all needed to be where we are. I don't think the other two would have bonded had some of us left the picture...everyone is healthy and alive and that is all that matters. I watched my friend down an ale and I really meditate on her overall well-being. Losing parents is tough as shit and that feeling cannot be healed right off the bat... I understand and I just couldn't help but want to hug her for hours...for our friendship and for the mother she has to say "until later" to.

This week flew by and I talked to Anna for an hour or more....it was good to clear the air and have fun in our conversation. I think she's a strong lady and has grown as the others have grown. She has always been a spunky chick. I am happy she embraced her needs and got into a relationship she enjoys and experiencing things I have not. It's a good thing.

My week breezed by at work and then slowed down and I was just dead tired by Thursday afternoon. I napped, relaxed, read mags and watched tv movies for the first time in days. I am psyched that I had this great time and reconnection with so many people. I'm lucky like that.

Later...

4 Comments:

At 8:53 AM, Blogger Roberto Iza Valdes said...

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At 8:11 AM, Blogger Roberto Iza Valdes said...

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At 12:56 PM, Blogger Roberto Iza said...

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