Sunday, August 28, 2005

Second Chances & Work-related bullshit

Return of the Nubian Princess

So good news. I went to a party and met a really cool younger guy. He was funny, shy and intelligent and we spent two days together doing absolutely nothing but having a great time together. I think the time apart and me slowly moving forward to experience someone new triggered something in my partner. That was an aha-told-ya-you'd-miss-me-moment. Yeah, partners can be slow that way. They finally come to their senses and realize that you're the shit and what the fuck were they thinking. We had a great conversation and decided to work slowly and move ahead and see what happens. I'm relieved, happy, apprehensive and psyched that we're doing this. Real love takes a lot of out of you. Most people are divorced in this country due to a lack of appreciation for their partners, not being honest about sex and many other issues. My partner was initially upset and sorrowful about my move forward...but he later said that he was supportive of me finding what I needed and enjoying it. He realized that if you don't give enough, you'll lose a lot. I learned the same lesson.

My best friend just moved to a new city to explore a job opportunity and get out of a messy workplace. Both of deciphered the hard way that in the workplace, trust no one. Those bitchy queens will fuck with you, ostracize you, and do everything in their power to be sly and fake as a pair of implants about how they really feel. These round-about, ass-backward meetings that waste time; passive-agressive behavior coming from those who should know better compiled with adolescent and unprofessional tactics drives me up the fucking wall...I breathed a sigh of relief and let it all go. In the end, who really cares? We're all going to die, life will move on without our bullshit. What you do at work today won't matter in the long run.

Things fall apart (according to a kick-ass Roots album) and you have control over nothing. I'm prepping to travel for a meeting and I'm looking forward to getting away and enjoying the excursion/work. Sometimes we get so wrapped in the details that we lose sight of why we're here: to live, love and eat/drink our existence away. What's wrong with that?

I'm up late and in a great mood. My buddy made it to NYC with her boyfriend and I so need to catch up with her tomorrow. I've missed her energy. Well, I'm off to catch up to the important things in life: celebrity gossip, the war crawling up Bush's ass and Take it easy.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Moving, thinking & Wondering Where I'll End Up

Return of the Nubian Princess

When relationships end it seems that most people are ready to bust a 5150 and sign up for failed life but it's really not as bad as everyone chalks it up to be...I guess it could be worse. Here I am sitting in my pajamas writing to an open blog about my own fears of moving on because I'm not sure exactly how one does that after a three year relationship, living together, sharing socks, food and netflix. I've gone through all of the sad, emotional ups and downs that breaking away brings, now I just have to find an apartment and feel better. Sleep in the middle of my bed and watch "Sideways" - a really great piece of entertainmnet about a man starting over after a divorce. For some reason I bond more with the "men moving on" films than the films about women moving on but there are exceptions: "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" was a dual story, it didn't just focus on Joel needing a mind-eraser to toss the hurt and pain away...Clementine was the one who brilliantly decided to have her memories of Joel erased and didn't have any regrets. I wonder if I will have any regrets. Will my mind slowly erase my ex-boyfriend? Will this seperation of living spaces erode our love? Will we slowly find new lovers and forget each other. Slowly, I do feel as if I'm disappearing from his vision. We don't talk anymore and that is fine I guess. It wasn't fine two hours ago or yesterday, but today, right now. I'll survive. A really big cure for my mini-depression would be a really big hug from a really handsome guy...a night of drinks on the river and just a long conversation/flirtation. Sounds great, doesn't it?

Well, on the bright side, I have a week in Louisville, Ky to look forward to at the end of the month. It will be my first conference, planning, logistics - all the fun of meeting planning. Should be be a great trip to have a fling or meet a new soulmate, or just to relax when I'm not working.

I've rebonded with my old best friend and that feels fantastic. We talk and laugh and share thoughts on life like we used to, but now, it's so much better without the interference of long, drawn-out discussions on someone in our group fighting or being a complete bitch. It's healthy, it's carefree and I really like having my friend back in my life for the third time.

The funeral was just that, a gathering of sad folks. My big brother was the highlight, seeing him again after not speaking was excellent. He was really happy to see me and gave me that gigantic hug I had been waiting for. I can't wait to plan a trip to see him this new year's or so. We'll see how it goes. I miss my niece, who will be fifteen next month. I'll be 29, wow, I'm excited and celebrating that fact in Pittsburgh, PA a week later. I have a lot of cool things happening and you never know where the day takes you.

When I'm less moody and more about sharing the positivity, I'll return...Later.